do women in the drupal community come to feel uncomfortable?

In conversation last night a male participant mentioned that a few women he truly respects for their contributions to the community started out very active and have, over time, essentially “disappeared.” So the question is: why? Did their lives change direction? Or did they begin to feel uncomfortable at the various events for some reason?

During that same conversation, something came up which made one of the women in attendance feel uncomfortable… something which had been occurring throughout the day and making a few of the women less than comfortable, and seeking each other out for a bit of safety in numbers.

The drupalchix writing this question (yup, I’m a girl :) has felt during her entire involvement with this community that it is very welcoming, safe, fun, and equal. That said, I am also the girl who was part of the conversation, and I am definitely reminded that women have to be aware of subtle behavior in men purely for safety reasons, in a way that men usually do not.

I’m not sure that this question is unique to Drupal or Open Source – rather I think it is a question for any professional community that tends to attract more men than women.

Do many the women in those communities eventually become exposed to enough threatening behavior, in spite of the general awesomeness of the majority, that they leave?

In this question, I want to point to an entertaining yet oh so true “Male Programmer Checklist”
http://lafalafu.com/krc/privilege.html

Some highlights that felt particularly “true” to me when I read it:

• Having your desk near the entrance to your office without visitors assuming you’re the receptionist.
• The freedom to make mistakes or say stupid things without worrying about it getting added to the pile of “why women suck at computer stuff”.
• If you’re married, having people take you to lunch without them speculating on how your spouse would feel about them taking you to lunch.
• Being treated like a hero if you compromise on work for childcare responsibilities, rather than having your commitment to work questioned.
• Never being described as a “hot guy” first and a competent professional second.
• Walking home unafraid after a late-night coding spree.
• The freedom to discuss the role of gender in programming without people thinking you’re being (a) self-serving, (b) whiny, © bringing politics into realms where it’s not relevant, or (d) all of the above. * A note from the poster: I haven’t experienced this in my involvement with the Drupal community, but I have experienced in plenty of other circumstances!